Understanding Others Will Increase Your Confidence

Behaviorist Theory

(The top part is adding)= It is Positive

                      Left side: Are punishments                                      Right side: Are reinforcements

                             Avoid or Discouraging                                      Go toward or Encouraging



                                                                                         ↑ Y

Positive punishment               (Get a ticket for speeding)	Positive reinforcement        (I say thank you after you help me)                                                 _________________________→ X
Negative   punishment          (Take away your license)	Negative reinforcement (Put seat belt to stop the noise)

                                                                                                                                                                        

                                                                                                                                                                       

(The bottom part is removing)= It is negative

Positive: We add

Negative: We remove (or take away)

______________________________________________________

Reinforcement: A change in the behavior that you would like for the environment to favor

Ex: (You want the noise to stop) or (You want to hear people say thank you)

The reinforcement helps the favorable behavior to increase ↑.

Punishment: A change in the behavior that you would dislike for the environment to impose on you

Ex: (Get a ticket for speeding) or (Lose your license)

The punishment helps the undesirable behavior to decrease ↓.

**** TO IDENTIFY IF IT IS A  REINFORCEMENT OR A PUNISHMENT FOCUS ON THE CHANGE.

If a person appreciates the change then it is a REINFORCEMENT

[You want to hear thank you & you want for the noise to stop]

If a person would prefer to avoid the change then it is a PUNISHMENT

[No one ever wants to get a ticket or for their drivers license to be taken away.]

Since reinforcement & punishments theory is established by the behaviorists, it is quintessential to keep in mind that these punishments and reinforcements are things that happen in the environment to change/guide someone's behavior. So it's something that happens or is done to you.

When I say something that you prefer, it is merely a trick to recognize that a person would prefer an action that is done by the environment that a person would prefer: such as praises.

And in contrast a punishment would be a change in the environment that you would prefer not to happen to you: such as losing a driver’s license.

It is really crucial because this explains the behaviorists’ point of view like Skinner and Watson. Just like when Watson said that he could take any child and make him become whoever he wanted.

In psychology, it is really important to differentiate and be able to explain the different theories.

I. The psychoanalytic theorist believed into unresolved issues: Freud, Erikson…

II. The humanists like Carl Rogers, and Maslow believed in the human free will.

Thanks to a few key people who contributed, your help was deeply appreciated, and because of it I was able to complete this final and more thorough explanation.

In which quadrant would you put my gratitude?

@mike_delva

Dating Without Dating

Several years ago, I had begun selling my belongings online to make some extra cash. I had came across this great website which proposed meeting the buyer in a public place. Aside from the money I was making, I had noticed how many great people I was also meeting.


      Eventually, this had been were the idea of, Dating Without Dating, had wooed my mind. I had realized how much fun— interesting it had been meeting all these people. I had had an epiphany that my encounters with women really felt like a first date.

    Although the meetings had been short, it had felt like those speed dating events I had seen on TV. In just a few seconds, I could have told it instantly who clicked— who did not whether the person bought my product or not.

Since my objective had been to sell merchandise, I had no stress of wanting to be dating material. 


      After a few interesting encounters, I realized that something else was being advertised— it was my date-ability. After awhile, I had realized that this ordinary situation had great dating potential.

In other words, despite the setting or situation which you will choose, the plan is to make it as natural as possible—  instead be in the moment. Being in the moment means to focus on enjoying yourself while you meet a person instead of thinking about what can go wrong.

When it comes to perfection, the lesson that I have really learned is that only mistakes can lead to mastery. I call this the perfect mistake because it is only through mistakes that you get to learn things that you would have otherwise missed.  


       As an illustration, how many times have you heard that many actors prefer to get into the role instead of acting it out? Certain therapists have shared that they have accomplished some of their best work outside of the office in a natural setting.

Accordingly, being natural is very important, for being natural helps your brain to be authentic— that helps to interact better with people. For instance, joining a class or a volunteer group is a great natural way to meet people authentically. However, do not do it to find a date; instead, do it to meet people.

Ultimately, the plan is to meet people without searching. Some people will like you and others won't—  and that is just the way the game is played. There is nothing you can do about that because only the arrows of chemistry matches the hearts of the Valentines with each other. 


      As long as you remain active in your community, you will keep meeting interesting people. Put yourself out there by doing other activities outside your comfort zone— there is no doubt that you will be noticed.

(P.S: Sometimes we close the doors of opportunity when our eyes connect more often with the Cell phones instead of the next great person we were supposed to meet.)

@mike_delva

Just say Hello!

Sometimes, just saying hello to an individual could be the simplest intervention. It looks so minute and yet it is immensely effective. If this is done consistently with authenticity this can be a great tool to add in the Toolbox of confidence (ToC). In the end, what is more important than to fulfill the need of human connection.


I truly believe that the most inspirational moments come from the quality of the Connection We Have With Each Other. I was ever so glad to have met wonderful people who have reminded me that my Father is from above and that it was written that life will be fine after all.


Similarly to the message Bob Marley left in his song, So Much Things To Say,

¨Remember that:
When the rain fall,
It don’t fall on one
man’s housetop¨.


We are all directly or indirectly intertwined and as long as we ignore this  call from one another, we will keep missing the connection. Of course we have to have our boundaries as professionals and yet still provide that opportunity to allow ourselves to be touch by the person and make that connection.

Here is a great article on this subject:

“MAKE EYE CONTACT, SMILE AND SAY HELLO”

by Amy Rees Anderson , CONTRIBUTOR

Q: How disconnected do you feel when people ignore you?

@mike_delva